Where is the Love?

"Life is the Season to LOVE" By, oO-Rein-Oo

I joined a dating site on a whim the other day, and it got me to thinking about some things. 

The last guy I dated was indeed a new life experience. On our first [and last] date, everything seemed normal in the beginning. I met his adorable wiener dog named Charlie who was a puppy at the time and an instant melt factor (as in melting from the cuteness). Bringing along his wiener [dog] should have been my first hint that things could go awry. Anyway, we went to an animal shelter downtown and played with some dogs and cats. It was cute and fun, just as it sounds. After that, he took me to a little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant. It was very intimate and romantic, despite the fact that I don't like Italian food. 

Then, we went back to his place.

Here's where it gets good, right?

[Nope.]

[Wrong.]

[So wrong.]

It started off innocently enough. I met his roommate and we all played a fun game of cribbage, and then I learned some card tricks (don't ask me if I remember them). His roommate soon left us alone and my date and I watched some TV for a bit. We flirted and cuddled on the couch, and eventually he led me to his bedroom. I won't get into the details, but there was plenty of kissing and a slight disappearance of clothing.


This is where I'm going to be honest and open with you and share something I'm normally uncomfortable talking about with even my closest friends. It has a purpose with where I'm going with this post, I promise. 


Anyway, things obviously started getting heavy between us and I quickly put a halt to it. I used the excuse that I was on the rag (which I really was!), but I didn't immediately tell him the other reason I didn't want to go further. This had been the farthest I'd ever gone with a guy, so I was understandably nervous, shy, and awkward. He eventually noticed that something else was bothering me, so he asked me what was up. While I'm shy and generally difficult to open up, I am very honest when people push me and get me to talk. I told him that I was a virgin. Honestly, it was probably one of the most difficult things I had ever told someone. 


I was embarrassed about it. Here I was, a virgin at 22 years old, when most people lose their virginity when they're in high school. In hindsight, it's a pretty silly thing to get embarrassed about, but it's still something very important to me. Not so much my virginity, but the guys who I choose to have sex with. While it has nothing to do with religion or saving myself for marriage, I do believe in the notion of having sex with someone I love and care about. I dated plenty in high school, but all of the guys I dated were kind of awkward and shy like me, so nothing ever really happened because neither of us had the courage to start anything.


Yeah, I went to college but it was only a community college, and all I ever did was go to class, then immediately go home. I made some friends in classes but nothing that ever lasted. After that, I stopped going to school and worked full-time for a couple of years. In that time, I never came across any potential dating material, and now I'm finally going back to school this fall (cross your fingers and hope I find a brain surgeon!). Anyway, my point is that I've never been in a serious, adult relationship. And I feel that the longer I go without this and the older I get, the more inexperienced I feel and the more I'm going to close myself up and become an old crone with cats.


It's ridiculous, I know, but we all have our own irrational fears, right? This is just one of those things that's always nagging at me like an annoying subconscious. It doesn't help that today's media is chock full of casual sex (see: Sex and the City) and it's constantly taunting me.


Anyway, I got a little sidetracked. So, I told him that I was a virgin, and he said he was already aware. I guess the friend who had set us up filled him in. I was still embarrassed and I felt like I needed to explain myself to him. I told him that I had never been in love, and that my belief was that I would only have sex with guys I truly cared about. Otherwise, it's just meaningless, right? Maybe my sex drive isn't as potent as most people's, but meaningless sex is something I'm not interested in at all. Maybe I'll change my mind once my cherry is popped and I realize just how amazing sex is, but for now, I stand strong by my belief that you should "make love, not sex". Call me old fashioned, but that's just how I am.


After I told him all this, I felt like I had bared my soul to him. I had never told anyone this before and it's safe to say I was feeling very vulnerable. Without a second thought, he told me he didn't see it that way. He said he felt that if two people were attracted to each other, then they should explore one another, and obviously the best way to do that is through sex. He had a much more casual standpoint on it all, and I wouldn't have cared if it wasn't for the way he talked about it. He was very flippant with my beliefs. He disregarded them and treated me like I was crazy for not tapping into my carnal instincts sooner. He tried to start things up again, but I told him I didn't want to go any further. He didn't say anything and obviously wasn't listening to me, and I got a little scared he wouldn't stop despite my protests. I quickly feigned sleepiness and put myself back together before he could say anything, and I told him to take me home.


Despite our disagreement in the bedroom, I still liked the guy and hoped that maybe we could talk about it again, and I could become something more to him than just a lay (I know, almost impossible with men, right? :P). 


This is where things got surreal. So here he was, driving me home, and he says to me in the most casual manner (and ladies and gentlemen, these are EXACT WORDS), "So, fun car fact."


I looked at him expectantly, thinking he was going to say something funny.


He glances at me, then quickly turns his attention back to the road, "I've had two STDs."


Me: O_O.... [what do I say? How am I supposed to react to this?? HOW IS THIS A "FUN CAR FACT"?!!]


He then explained that he has had scabies (oh my god, bugs crawling around your skin DOWN THERE? Jesus.) and chlamydia (first mental image that came to me was a pair of clapping hands). I kid you not. This is a fictional story in all ways of the truth. At this point in the night (or early morning), I was a little hysterical with tiredness and the general happenings of the night. I don't remember exactly what I said after that, I think something along the lines of, "Oh okay". He did most of the talking, but at that point, I had no intentions of seeing him again.


We parted ways - him thinking he had a chance with me - me, just trying to get away as fast as possible. I felt a little mean and shallow for disregarding him because of his STDs, but that wasn't the only reason I was no longer interested in him. It was just the icing on top of the cake, the straw that broke the camel's back. I found out later through the friend that had set us up that apparently he had an addiction to sex and that he regularly scoured Craigslist, looking for ugly girls to have one-night stands with. Let's just say I'm really glad I got out of that while I did. He was definitely the total opposite of the kind of guy I needed to be with.


Anyway, I guess my whole point is that I'm sick of people throwing love around like it's just a word. Throwing their bodies around like they're just objects to bang against each other. I understand that's how society is and I always feel naive saying this, but whatever happened to LOVE?  

Now that I'm ending this, I don't think I really needed to get what I wanted to say off my chest. I hadn't originally intended to tell you this entire story, but I guess that's the way things turned out, ne? Now that you all have a basic understanding of my dating history and sex life (or lack thereof), I feel embarrassed again. 


LOVE&&peace,
Sarah

I'm Racist Because I Cosplay?!

Speaking of outlets, I came across something today that made me rage, so I made a video about it!

Check it out here:

Prompt I: Outlet

"Ender's Game - Sacrifice" By,  Ziwu

He found it hard not to run to his quarters at the end of the day, but the promise of gravity was something that constantly tugged at his instincts. Training inside of the simulation rooms day in and day out muddled his sense of being and made him question his reality. 


The humans were preparing for a battle. Against who, they didn't know, and it made the fear that much more potent. Some called them aliens, others had dubbed them bugs. The names varied among continents and colonies, but the strangers' intentions had been made clear to all races and ethnicities across Earth and the space beyond: they wanted the galaxy's resources. Initially, the strangers had intended no harm under the condition that the humans cooperate and ultimately swear their allegiance and service to their cause, but the humans had not taken kindly to the idea of an invasion and a submission to slavery. 


After the human leaders demanded the retreat of the strangers, a war broke out and blood began to spill. Any world or civil wars that had been currently taking place on Earth came to a halt, and the human leaders announced a worldwide alliance. That was when Aleksander, a young man from a small Ukrainian space colony, was summoned to join the World Army. 


His trip to the lunar training facilities was much shorter than those traveling from Earth, but it didn't take long for homesickness to kick in. Immediately upon his arrival, he was thrown into his exercise uniform and placed into his first battle simulation. He trained day and night, seven days a week, 365 days of the year. The majority of the facility had little to no gravity, and Alek came to miss the feeling of something solid beneath his feet. There was little time for breaks, but when the opportunity arose, Alek would hurry to his living quarters and take his violin into his hands.


It was heavy. Smooth. Substantial. Every tool and weapon used in space was created with either aluminum or some other light metal alloy, and while it was easy to hold, it made Alek miss the feeling of something solid in his hands. When he was a boy still living on Earth, he had carved the violin from a Hollyleaf Cherry tree with the help of his great-grandfather, who had now been long since passed. From the time he first touched his violin, to placing it under his chin, to stroking the first string with the bow, Alek's thirst for gravity was temporarily quenched. The sound that resounded through the thick wood was monumental, and it coursed through his entire being, all the way down to wake up his numbed toes.


It had been a long time since he had last been able to play his violin, and he was afraid he wouldn't remember how. He knew it was silly since he had mastered the violin from a young age, yet he couldn't shake the feeling that while he had lived his monotonous days in training, the violin had gone on to live its life without him. Hesitantly, he balanced it on his shoulder and rested his chin on the pad where it fit as snugly as a puzzle piece. He lifted the bow with his arm in one languid swoop, and rested the horse hairs on the middle string. He wasn't sure how long he had stood there like that, seemingly frozen in time, but just as he became unsure if he wanted to continue, a mysterious breeze slithered into the room and brushed the arm holding the bow.


Encouraged, Alek slowly dragged the bow downward and a lethargic yet powerful sound emitted from the instrument's core. He then began playing more notes, then chords, then eventually he started playing beautiful melodies that bore no name, but roused all of the emotions that Alek had long since forgotten he could feel. He missed his family, his friends, his home. He was tired, sore, and scared of what was to come. Would he survive this war? Would he even live past his first real battle? Could he save the entire human race against this enemy they knew next to nothing about? Ever since he had arrived, Alek had quickly learned to cast away his emotions. He had been told that his emotions could hinder him from making a life or death decision. He had to be cold, calculated, and indifferent. If a few lives had to be sacrificed to save the whole, then it was a practical choice to leave the few to die for their race.


He was afraid, so afraid of so many things. He wasn't sure how had been able to carry these heavy burdens all this time, but something about the music that echoed throughout his heart eased him into a sense of calm. His feverish playing gradually became more fluid and deliberate, and soon he realized that his body and mind were exhausted. He dragged the last note out as long as he could, and eventually his bow reached its end. Alek carefully returned the violin to its case, and commanded the operating system to shut off all power within his quarters. 


He navigated his way through the dark and reached his bunker, not bothering to change his clothes as he laid down on the paper thin sheets. He looked thoughtfully at the ceiling as his eyes continued adjusting to the dark. He could still hear the last note ringing in his head, and it remained there as a beacon of renewed hope. His eyelids finally heavy from the long day's work, Alek closed his eyes and smiled.

 Author's Notes:


So, what do you think? I wrote it in one sitting (with the exception of a dinner break) and it's the most I've written in a verrrry long time. I'm sure there are consistency mistakes and plenty of run-on sentences, but oh well. I'm not aiming for perfection, just practice. I wasn't really sure how I wanted to end it, so I kind of rushed it a bit. 


A little bit more about the prompt and how I used it... 
The prompt was taken from something in my bedroom. In this case, it was a wall outlet. When I first think of the word 'outlet', I think of someone using some form of medium as their outlet to release their emotions, whether they are angry, happy, sad, or all three. Then, I thought of how I usually release my emotions, and that is through music. Playing, singing, writing, or listening - music is my outlet. Violin was my choice of instrument to focus on because I believe it to be one of the most powerful and emotion-invoking instruments out there. Whenever I play the violin, I can literally feel the music in my body and it is a wonderful sensation.


Question of the Week: What is your outlet?


Also, this is my very first piece of science fiction writing! It was influenced by Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow, both of which were written by Orson Scott Card. If you haven't read them already, I highly recommend them. Even if sci-fi isn't your thing, give it a try. I would say that I'm not a big fan of sci-fi, but after reading these books, my eyes were definitely opened and it has become a genre worth exploring.


Anywho, I think that's all I have to say. I'm happy I've accomplished my goal this week, and I even rose to my challenge and am publishing this 3 hours before my given deadline! /flex


I'm looking forward to next week! If you have any questions you'd like to ask me about my writing process and anything else related to this story, please don't hesitate to ask =) Also, if you have any suggestions for the next prompt, drop a comment and let me know! 


Constructive criticism is WELCOME!


Love&&peace... IIIIIIIN SPAAAAAAACE,
Sarah


P.S. I really wish I could indent my paragraphs fufu~

A Ride on Harry's Broomstick

Daniel Radcliffe in "The Woman In Black"

I can't even express to you how much this picture turns me on. Seriously, Daniel Radcliffe is a dreamboat. Especially when he's in period clothing and has his hair styled just so and the smexy sideburns on his face... I've got the vapors, oh my!

Anywho, I had to get that out of my system. I just finished watching the international trailer for The Woman In Black, and it looks pretty spooky. Not really my type of movie, but I'll probably end up watching it just for Dan. <3 I always have these kind of "prince and the pauper" fantasies where Dan and I happen to pass each other on a street in London or spot each other in a coffee shop... then, we strike up a silly conversation and I'm like no other girl he's ever met. I get whisked away and join the celebrity lifestyle and he's always protecting me from the paparazzi. Not that I imagine he really lives the typical Hollywood celebrity lifestyle. From what I can tell, he seems to be a pretty private person. 

I'm too old for silly schoolgirl fantasies, right? Nah.

Now, seriously. ANYWAY.

It's almost the end of the week, and I'm really determined to stay true to my weekly writing project. I've been thinking about what prompt I want to use and how I want to use it, but I think I'm thinking about it too much. I just need to pick something completely random and wing it. Even if the ideas I come up with are utter garbage, it's the fact that I accomplished a goal that's important. And as they say, there's always room for improvement!

....right? RIGHT?

Sometimes my ego needs a stroke.

[It's true.]

I'm going to choose a prompt tonight and I am making my deadline Saturday night, no later than midnight. 

Prompt #1 is going to come from something in my bedroom. I am also giving myself a little challenge for this first prompt and that is to finish writing it BEFORE my deadline.

I hope you come back on Saturday to see what I've come up with! I may come slithering back here before then to write nonsense when I feel the urge to procrastinate (which, as you will see with time, is more often than not), but I'm aiming to stay on task.

Here we go! /flex

A'loving and of'a the peace'a,

Sarah

The Big BC

I don't know why a lot of girls refer to birth control in code names, like it's something to be ashamed of. Personally, when a chick tells me she's on "BC", I say good for you! Way to prevent something you clearly aren't prepared for!


I get more upset when girls I know who should be on the pill are not. Then I get a little miffed. But, it's their life to make decisions with. I just get sad when an innocent life becomes involved when it definitely could have been avoided.


Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about pregnancy. I'll save that for another day.


Almost 2 months ago, I started taking birth control for the first time. And now I'm finding it ironic that it's advertised as something that prevents pregnancy, yet its side effects might say otherwise. I understand that it doesn't prevent SEX, but it certainly won't help keep a man's dick in his pants.


So far in the couple of months that I've been taking it, I've noticed a few things have changed.


#1. My boobs have gotten bigger. So far, it's only been a small difference (I went from a 36 to a 38B), but they've been sore every day ever since I started taking the pill, and I feel like they're continually expanding to the verge of explosion. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to buy new bras soon because right now my breasts are about bursting out of the bras I have.


#2. My sex drive has increased. And the fact that I'm not sexually active makes this side effect all the more frustrating and irritating. Let me just say that porn is a godsend. And gentlemen, no, that was not an invitation into my pants.


#3. My skin has gotten clearer and looks better in general. I haven't had to put on as much make-up as I used to, and I think this in turn helps my skin even more because there isn't as much foundation clogging my pores.


That's about it so far. There have been other differences, but they've been in my period, and I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear the details about that.


At first, I was actually afraid to take birth control because I kept reading all of these horror stories online about how it completely changed personalities and caused intense physical pain, etc. etc. But I decided half of them were probably already crazy to begin with, and the other half were just the unlucky few who reacted badly to the medication.


Luckily, I haven't gone psycho yet. If I do, I can only hope that my family and friends have the courage to tell me to shut up and stop taking the crazy pills. With my luck, I'd have to go to some sort of birth control rehab.

Gone CRAZY with YAZ and just can't GIVE IT UP? Join our treatment facility today. Plush beds, daily activities (arts and crafts OMG!), and state-of-the-art arm restraints!

Love&&peace,

Sarah

Birth from the Dryer

A picture and font can be worth a thousand words.


But nobody ever says whether or not they show the truth or disguise a lie.


For instance, my title picture up there. I'm not nearly as bad ass as the filters and font size make me seem. The font is almost like graffiti; messy, artistic, bold.


None of which I am.
[Well, the messy part is somewhat true...]


Even now, I'm trying to be artsy with my words, but I feel like I'm coming off as pretentious, and it doesn't feel right.


Anyway, I'm going to be a little more casual and much less cryptic now.

Cheezburger Kitteh

I'm still unsure as to what my intentions for this blog will be. I haven't kept an online journal like this since I was in middle school/early high school. I used to write about my daily life and ponderings, which is something I will definitely be doing here. How often, I don't know.

We're just going to go with the flow here.

[That was my first choice for a title for this blog, but I decided it reminded me too much of my period.]

I have a few things in mind for what I would like to write about other than my life. Writing has always been a favorite hobby of mine, but as of the last year or so, I've come to write less and less. I don't know if it's been a lack of inspiration or just flat-out laziness, but it's something I want to get back into again.

I used to write a lot of fanfiction, but I want to stray away from that for now. My idea is to find a random prompt from the interwebs, my surroundings, suggestions from readers, etc. and write a short story or essay using said prompt. It could be fiction, non-fiction, mystery, sci-fi, fantasy - what have you. My goal is to do this at least once a week, if not more. I'm not going to set any limitations such as page length, word count, or completion. It's just going to be whatever I can come up with from the top of my head.


Other than this project, I will be writing about daily life and whatever else I feel I need to share with the general public aka YOU. Yes, you. You sexy beast.


I think that's it for introductions for now. I don't know how far I'll go with this and who I will meet along the way, but I'm looking forward to whatever happens =)


[I was going to put a clever "looking forward to whatever comes out of the dryer" line but then I wondered what else would be coming out of a dryer other than clothes and decided I really didn't want to know.]


Love&&peace,
Sarah

Slumber Hunger

Do you ever have that problem where 

you're really tired, 

and are just about to go to sleep,

when all of a sudden, 

your stomach growls, 

and demands to be fed?